Defeated,Frustrated,Disappointed...

Defeated
I'm defeated by fate...people always say when God closes the door He will open up a window for you..my case?He banged the door against me so many times..and everytime I see some shine of light through the window, it disappears before I can even reach it..I believe I gave my best, I did what I could, still I dont see I get the returns I deserved..If this is some kind of challenge in my life, when would it end?

Frustrated
Totally frustrated...I'm very very sick of this kind of life..I wanted to do things well but I just cant...If its because I'm stupid I'm not able to proceed with studies then I surrender..but its because I just cant get through those stupid admin processes stupid people working brainless-ly..3 months have passed and i feel like an idiot with no achievements..they always said they need researchers to publish good journals so that they can improve their ever-descending ranking..but with such treatment and INCENTIVES I'm receiving how am I gonna concentrate on publishing journals?wanna improve the ranking please improve those stupid systems first..

Disappointed
Not only that I am disappointed, also I felt that I'd disappointed my parents, my loved ones and all who cared for my career..should I continue down this annoying path?Perhaps I would spend few years here achieving nothing..while others at my age had already own assets and savings..and if I successfully go through..what would I be few years later?a middle-aged woman with zero savings and a not-so-proud-of-it cert?